


Find your heart

by remadora_ftw



Category: Castle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:24:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17499809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remadora_ftw/pseuds/remadora_ftw
Summary: "Do you actually believe this or are you just trying to drive me crazy?" In which Castle does not ask Gina to the Hamptons and Lanie takes matters into her own hands. An AU to the end of season 2





	1. Chapter 1

How he ended up at the morgue, he couldn't tell. All he knew was that he needed to leave the precinct. Needed to leave Beckett and the reminder that she had found someone to spend her free time with. Someone who wasn't him. A few weeks ago, it wouldn't have bothered him as much, he was sure.  
But then she had lived in the Loft with him and he had learned how nice it was to have her around the whole day and not just during the hours at the precinct. Detective Beckett was amazing and extraordinary, and he had known that long before. But in the short time she had lived in his guest room, he had been getting to know Kate Beckett, the version of her she didn't show at the precinct. The version of her that was soft and sometimes shy, that smiled and joked with him, ate dinner with him and his family. All he wanted was to get to know this version of her better.

But now she had found Tom Demming. And she seemed happy, so what could he really do about that? Cause her heartache just because he was jealous?

So, he had left the precinct, intended to go home and mope. Maybe he would have tried to write, as Gina's phone calls kept reminding him about the book he needed to finish. Not that he had actually answered any of these calls lately, because he was not ready to hear how disappointed she was in him, thank you very much.

But instead, he had ended up at the morgue without knowing why exactly. Frowning at himself he was about to turn around when he saw Lanie exiting the building. And suddenly he knew what he could do.

"Hey Lanie," he called, running to catch up with her and she stopped and turned to the sound of his voice.

"Castle? What are you doing here?" she asked, the confusion evident in her voice as she looked past his shoulder, probably wondering where Kate was.

"Oh, I uhm… grabbing some lunch."

She frowned and turned her eyes back to him. "Since when is the morgue on your way when you grab some lunch?"

"Since I wanted to ask you a question."

Lanie raised an eyebrow "I mean you could have called but okay. What do you want to know?"

"Do you have to work on the Memorial Day weekend?"

Lanie blinked, whichever question she had expected, this wasn't it. "No," she answered slowly and then furrowed her brows. "Why are you asking?"

"Do you have plans?"

"I was thinking about getting some sleep. Maybe read a book or watch some TV, you know things I don't usually get to do."

"Would you want to come to the Hamptons?" he asked in a rush, watching her with hopeful eyes as he waited for her response.

Lanie shook her head, her frown deepened. "The Hamptons?" she repeated with the same confusion from the beginning of this conversation. Did he really invite her to the Hamptons?

"Yeah I have a house there and Alexis and mother have plans and I-"

"Why are you asking me?" she interrupted him before he could go into more details about that house he had and why he wanted her, of all people, to come with him. Not that she wasn't flattered that he had thought about her. But she also knew him, had spent enough time working with him and Kate to know, whatever the reason he had invited her, she wasn't the person he actually wanted to have there.

"Because you're a friend?" he offered with a nervous smile. "And you can do all the things you want to do, like sleep and read a book, watch TV. Just with the merit of having a beach near you and all. There's-"

"No," she interrupted him once more. "I meant why are you asking me? Why don't you ask Kate?"

"Why should I ask Ka-Beckett?" he countered. She could see a glimmer of disappointment in his eyes, bevor he masked it with an attempt to look confused. "Besides she has plans with Demming that weekend," he added, without trying to hide his disappointment like he had a few seconds ago.

"She does?"

"Yeah," he said, shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged, "and I mean it makes sense, they're together. I don't even know why I asked her to come."  
"You asked Kate to the Hamptons?"

Lanie was aware that she was repeating most of what Castle just said, but she couldn't stop herself from doing so. It had been a year now, and she knew there was something building between these two idiots. But with Kate now dating the Detective from robbery, and the way Castle had acted around her since it started, she honestly hadn't expected him to do something like that. He must have known she'd turn him down, right?

"Yes. Just as friends, of course," he added as if he was trying to convince himself there was no other reason for him to ask, and Lanie raised her eyebrow again. "What?" he asked.

"You really do like her, don't you?"

"I … what? No, I don't. I don't like her at all. Why would I like her?"

Lanie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to stay calm while she wished she could just shake some sense into him right now.

"Okay, maybe I do," he relented. "But what does it matter? She has Demming and she clearly doesn't want to be more than friends with me, and if she's happy with him, then I am happy for her, alright."

"Okay, okay calm down." Lanie raised her hands in defence.

"So, will you come to the Hamptons? Just as friends. So, I don't have to be alone?"

"Why do you even want to go there, when no one else has time?"

"Because it's tradition, Lanie," he whined. "Ever since Alexis was little, we went there. And watched the fireworks and had fun," he went on with his explanation. "And okay, so she doesn't want to go there this year and would rather spend her time at a college experience thing, but I have everything planned and I -" he paused for a moment. "I'd go up there either way because it helps me write and Gina keeps calling me because I need to finish my book. And I just don't want to be alone this one weekend."

The hopeful look was back on his face and Lanie shrugged mentally. "Okay, I'll come."

"Really?" A surprised smile spread over his face, and Lanie couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Yes, really," she said.

"Great. I can pick you up after work tomorrow if you want to?"

"Yeah sure."

"Great, so I'll see you then," Castle said, waved and turned around to make his way back to the precinct and grab some lunch for everyone on his way.

Lanie watched him for a moment, before she turned away, wondering if it had been a good idea to agree to his invitation. Yes, he was happy, and she would have been stupid to say no to an invitation to the Hamptons, but a part of her felt bad about it. She sighed. It had been obvious that Castle hadn't planned on inviting her, even before he admitted that he had already asked Kate. It seemed as if she needed to have a serious conversation with Kate. At least to make sure, she didn't decline for the wrong reasons. But now wasn't the right time for that, they were in the middle of solving a case, and she had to be cautious, else Kate would feel attacked right away, which would make the whole thing obsolete.

She turned around, shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket and crossed the street to get herself some lunch.

* * *

Kate was walking to her car, Espo's words spinning in her head  _"Whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve watching you be with another guy."_  
If she was being honest with herself, she had known that for a while, had decided to ignore the nagging thoughts, certain that if she listened to them, she'd get hurt. She didn't have time for that. Or the strength.

But maybe she was wrong? Hadn't she learned by now that Castle wasn't the guy page 6 made him look like? That most of that was an act he put on in public.

Maybe he'd only leave for the summer, but what if Espo was right and he didn't come back?  
She knew she wasn't being fair with him. She also knew she wasn't being fair to Tom, either. Being with him, when her heart belonged to someone else.

She unlocked her car, opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat with a sigh.

But there was nothing she could do right now. Right now, she would drive home, get something to eat, and think about what to do about all this.

With that decision made, she put the key in the ignition, ready to leave the parking space and drive home.

But before she could do that, her phone rang. A quick glance on the screen told her it was Lanie and she accepted the call.

"Hey Lanie," she greeted, hoped her voice wouldn't give away how deep in thought she had just been. Lanie had her ways of making her talk even when she didn't want to, which sometimes was nice, but right now she just wanted to go home and be alone with her thoughts.

"We need to talk," Lanie said without any word of greeting.

Kate sighed and rubbed her fingers over her forehead. "What did I do?"

"Nothing."

"I-" Kate frowned. What was that supposed to mean? "-don't understand," she finished.

"You did nothing, and that is the problem."

"Okaaay," Kate said and turned her head to the ceiling of her car. She really wasn't in the mood to guess what Lanie was talking about. "Do you want to elaborate on this or is that all you're telling me, because I am actually busy right now."

"Shouldn't you be on your way home?"

"I am."

"Then why are you busy?"

"Lanie," she whined. "I am not in the mood."

There was a pause at the other end of the line before Lanie spoke again.  
"Castle invited me to the Hamptons."

Kate almost dropped her phone. He did what?

Well fine, she had said no because she had plans with Demming. And she wouldn't want to spend the weekend with Castle either way. He was way too -  _fun,_ a voice in her mind spoke up - childish for her.

But then why did it hurt to hear he invited Lanie instead? It was his right to invite whomever he wanted to invite. Who was she to tell him who he could or couldn't invite to his beach house in the Hamptons?

"Are you still there?"

Lanie's voice coming through the speakers of her phone ended her thoughts

"I … yes. Yes, I am," Kate answered. Her fingers fiddled with her car keys. "So … what did you say?" she finally managed to ask with a steady voice.

"I said yes."

Oh, wow that stung even more. But again, why did she care? She had Tom and she was happy. Wasn't she?

Kate closed her eyes, wished she hadn't accepted the phone call, and just gone home.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked after another pause.

"Girl, that man is in love with you." Lanie wasn't even trying to hide her exasperation.

"Yeah, right," Kate scoffed.

But wasn't that essentially what Espo had told her just a few minutes ago?

"And I only said yes because he seemed so sad. I never saw him like this before. And I couldn't let him be up there all by himself. Even if it's just for one weekend when he's spending the whole summer up there," Lanie explained, but before Kate could respond she continued, "I mean actually you should be the one to keep him company up there, but you declined. And I am not saying that you should throw away whatever you have with Demming to be with Castle instead. But… what exactly do you have with Demming?"

"Tom is nice. And fun. And …" everything that Castle wasn't. There was nothing at risk when she was with him. With Castle she had a friendship, Castle could easily break her heart. It was easy to be with Tom and not worry about the future. But Castle was … Castle. No way did he love her. Lanie must have been inhaling too many autopsy fluids.

There was a pause at the end of the line as if Lanie was waiting for her to go on. But she couldn't tell her that. Not right now. That was too much.

"I'm just saying you should think about why he has been following you all this time." Lanie finally spoke again, seemed to realise Kate wouldn't say more right now.

"For his books."

"Oh please." Lanie almost laughed. "He could write 50 books, with all the information he has gotten so far."

Kate squinted "Did you talk to Espo?"

"What?" Lanie asked, her voice a mix of confusion and defence. "No, I didn't. Why are you changing the topic like this?"

"Because he kind of said the exact same thing earlier today."

"Oh, well, great minds think alike and all that."

Kate's lips twitched and she closed her eyes for a second, shaking her head.

"But Lanie, we're talking about Richard Castle."

"Yes, and we both know he is not like page 6 makes it look."

Kate sighed but didn't reply.

"He spent $100,000 for a chance to find your mom's killer. Who does that?"

"People with money."

On the other end of the line, Lanie exhaled slowly, obviously trying to keep herself calm. And Kate knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't stop. The thought that Castle had another reason for that, a more meaningful reason, was too much right now.

"He offered you his home, you lived in his guest room for a week."

"Yes, because he felt like it was his fault the guy even targeted me."

"So, you're telling me there was nothing in these weeks that made you consider the possibility of something more than a friendship with him."

"Yes, I am telling you that."

"Wow. You're … wow. Do you actually believe this or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"

"Okay maybe for a very short moment I thought about the possibility that he could like me as more than a friend."

"Hah," Lanie exclaimed. "But what changed, Kate?" she asked in a more serious tone.

Kate sighed and rubbed her eyes. "He slept with Ellie Monroe. I mean who does that when they like someone else?"

The silence on Lanie's end was almost deafening. Kate could imagine Lanie raising her eyebrow in accusation.

And knew she was being ridiculous, knew that she was doing the same thing right now. Well, not exactly. She hadn't slept with Tom. Not that it mattered much, as the nagging voice in her mind kept reminding her.

But she couldn't stop herself from wondering if maybe she had been wrong about trusting Castle. Maybe he was exactly like page 6 made it seem.

"It's hopeless," Lanie muttered under her breath.

"What did you say?"

"Kate. You're an idiot," Lanie said with a finality in her voice that kept Kate's mouth closed. "But you're also my best friend so I won't make you do things you don't want to do-"

"You'd do that if I wasn't your best friend?" Kate interrupted.

"Kate," Lanie warned.

"Sorry."

"I mean, if you're really happy with Tom then I didn't say anything, but you should be sure about what you really want, okay," Lanie said. "And if that's Demming then it's okay. Just … be sure."

Kate closed her eyes, dropped her head against the headrest and sighed. She knew Lanie was right. And she also knew what she had to do, had known that even before the conversation they just had. She just wished it would be less scary.

"But what if it goes all wrong?" Kate finally asked quietly.

"Then you can blame me for everything."

A smile crept on her face, small and hesitant but there nonetheless.

"I will remind you."

"I know you will."

"Okay, I need to go home now, so … bye."

"Okay drive safe."

"Oh and Lanie?"

Lanie hummed.

"Thank you."

* * *

At the end of the day, after closing the case, Kate still hadn't managed to talk to Castle. Frankly, she had just found the time to talk to Tom and having the conversation with Castle before the conversation with Tom had not been an option. But now there were no excuses anymore.

She took a breath before she entered the break room, where everyone was enjoying pizza and beer, listening to Castle's story about seeing Alexis off to her college experience.

"Castle, do you have a second?" she asked after grabbing a beer.

"Of course. Yeah," he said, got up from his seat and followed her out of the break room.

"What's up?" he asked when they stopped in the bullpen.

"Look," she started. "I know that I'm not the easiest person to get to know and I don't always let on what's on my mind. But this past year, working with you, I've had a really good time."

"Yeah, me too."

"So, I'm … I'm just going to say this, and I hope it's not too late, but I would understand if it was. I mean you asked more than once, and I kept saying no so you probably-"

"Kate."

"Yeah?"This

"You're rambling."

"Oh right … okay just … does the invitation still stand?"

"I … to the Hamptons?"

"I mean I know you asked Lanie, but-"

"Wait, you talked to Lanie?"

"She's my best friend."

"Right, sorry."

"Yeah so as I said, I understand if I am too late but if I am not, then I would like to come to the Hamptons with you."

Castle blinked, opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find any words. This was nothing he had expected today. What happened to her plans with Demming?

The silence went on and Kate nodded to herself. Of course, she had taken too long to talk to him. Even if he only had invited Lanie because she had declined, it was foolish to think he would still want her to come.

But this was exactly why she had been hesitant to agree. And if Lanie hadn't intervened, then she could now spend her weekend with Tom, who wanted her there.

But no. No, she had done the right thing, breaking up with Tom, even if Castle didn't want her to come with him. He would come back in the fall, until then she could find better words to explain everything. Maybe she'd even manage to talk to him over the summer.

Not everything was lost, even if it felt like it right now.

"Okay," she finally said quietly, ready to turn around and lick her wounds in private.

"No, not too late," Castle hurried to say when he finally got over his initial surprise. "I'm just surprised. But yes, the invitation still stands if you want to come and I would love if you came with me."

She visibly relaxed after hearing these words, a smile blossomed on her face

"Great," she said. "Because I do want to come with you."

Upon hearing these words, a bright, genuine smile settled on Castle's face. The sight of it made Kate blush and lower her head for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter by a tweet by Lou: "What if, instead of Gina, Castle invited Lanie as his substitute to the Hamptons (platonically)?"  
> the following chapters are inspired by me watching Castle for the first time and being very upset about the end of season 2. (and then needing years to come up with a story that needed a beginning so thanks Lou for giving me the beginning)


	2. Chapter 2

“After you,” Castle said and gestured towards the door of the break room, where their friends were watching them from behind the window.

“I mean we could just leave now,” Kate suggested with a shrug.

“And miss the Pizza they got for me? No way.”

Kate rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress the smile on her face, before she walked in the break room, trying to ignore the expectant looks of her friends.

 

“So, what did you guys talk about?” Espo asked.

“Nothing for you to know,” Kate replied and sat down on the chair that was closest to her.

“That I will come back after the summer,” Castle interjected before he sat down himself. “Kate said you were worried about that,” he added and grabbed a piece of Pizza.

“So, are you joining him for the Hamptons or what?” asked Lanie and Kate started coughing into her beer. She did not want to talk about this; not right now, not with an audience. Everyone was here, and they would likely ask questions. Yes, they might find out the truth eventually - most likely when she and Castle embarked on their trip - but she would have liked it if Lanie could have given her more time.

“Yes, I am,” she said after gaining back the ability to breathe properly.

“Good for you,” Lanie said with a grin. “Also good for me, ‘cause that means I can stay at home.”

"Wait, what?" asked Ryan, looking from Lanie to Kate to Castle. "Castle invited you," he pointed to Lanie, "to his house in the Hamptons?"

“Yes, he did,” Lanie confirmed with a nod. “But now Kate said she’ll go so I can stay home,” she added taking a sip of her beer.

“Thanks, Lanie,” both Kate and Rick said at the same time.

Ryan looked mildly disappointed, seemed to wonder what he needed to do to get invited to the Hamptons by Castle.

“So, the Hamptons, huh,” Espo said with a suggestive look. “And what are you planning to do there?”  
Kate shrugged, she didn’t have any plans and based on Castle shaking his head next to her, he didn’t make plans beyond wanting to spend some time with her, either.

“Oh, so it’s a secret,” Espo continued. “Interesting. Really interesting.”

“You know what,” Kate said to stop Esposito from continuing this thought process, “we have to leave. I still have to pack my bag and it takes a while to get there so we should get going.”

“Thanks for the Party guys," Castle hurried to say while getting up from his chair, "it was really nice. and I promise I will be back in the fall, so you don't have to miss me for too long."

* * *

 

“So should I just call you when I am done with packing?" Kate stopped her car in front of Castle's building and turned her head to look at him. She had offered to drive him home to get the stuff he needed for the Hamptons before she went home herself to pack her own bag and he had happily accepted. 

“You could just pick me up when you’re done,” he replied.

Kate frowned. “Why would I pick you up?”

“Oh, I thought we could take your car.”

“My car?”

“Yes.”

“But why would I drive us there when you’re the one who lives there and knows the direction?”

“Well, you’re only staying the weekend, right?”

“You’re not coming back to the city?” Kate asked after a few seconds of silence between them.

“Well, I will but later. I finally talked to Gina yesterday and I need to finish my book.” Castle shrugged. “So, I figured I’d just stay up there for the summer. Or however long it takes to finish the book.”

“So … I would leave you there alone without a way to come back,” Kate summarised to make sure she understood correctly. Somehow this option didn’t sit well with her. Of course, she knew he had other options to get back to the city, but she couldn’t shake it off completely. Maybe she had assumed he would come back to the city with her, now that she agreed to spend the weekend with him. Maybe she should stop assuming things when it came to Castle as they all turned out wrong lately.

 

“You could always stay longer or come again if you miss me.”

His words interrupted her thoughts and she scoffed “Yeah, right.”

"Okay but seriously, Mother can pick me up, she's going to come up later in the summer either way. Or I can call my driver to get me when I am done. It's not a big deal, Kate," he assured her. "But if you don't want to, then we can take my car and I'll come back to the city with you," he shrugged before his expression changed into a mischievous smirk. "You might have to solve the resulting murder case if I don't finish my book in time."

“Well, I already know it will be Gina.”

“Oh but think about all the paperwork you’d have to do. Plus, you’d feel guilty because you made me come back and get distracted by the city.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. But don’t think I don’t know you’re just too lazy to drive yourself, Castle.”

“Yeah yeah, see you in a bit.”

He opened the door and got out of the car, waving at her through the window before he hurried inside his building.

* * *

 

After spending way too much time thinking about what to pack for a weekend with Castle in the Hamptons, and then probably taking too much, Kate had finally picked him up again. He had been eagerly waiting when she arrived, his bag slung over his shoulder, looking happier than Kate had seen him these past weeks. There had been a brief moment where Kate could see relief on his face as if he had expected her to not show up after all, but he flashed her a smile and she had decided not to dwell on that thought.  

 

As Kate drove, the radio played in the background. Castle started talking, telling her all about the town and how he had fallen in love almost instantly when he found the house. About how much he loved spending the summer there; the sound of the ocean always nearby, soothing and exciting all at once. Kate listened with an easy smile on her lips. She hummed here and there to let him know she was still listening but didn’t interrupt his words.

But after telling her the story about Alexis’ first time in the ocean after learning to swim, he grew silent. Kate looked at him, but he was looking out of the window at his side of the car and she looked back at the road, debating with herself if she should say or do anything or if she should just stay silent. However, she had no clue what to say to him right now.

 

“Hey, Kate,” Castle said after a while, turning to look at her again, “can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

Castle shot her an ‘are-you-serious’-look and Kate laughed. “Of course, you can ask me something, Castle. But since when do you ask permission?”

He thought about her question for a second before shrugging and asking her what has plagued him since she had dropped him off at his loft and went to pack a bag for herself. “You said you had plans with Demming. I mean I am happy you are here but what happened?”

As soon as the question left his lips, the mood in the car seemed to drop significantly. Finally, she shrugged but didn’t answer, her eyes fixed on the road ahead of them and he slapped himself internally. How had he managed to ruin this trip before it actually started? As if it was any of his business in the first place.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to that is fine. I was just wondering,” he hurried to say, trying to undo whatever he just did before it was too late.

“The plans got cancelled,” she said, her voice indicating that this was all she was willing to tell him.

But he still had questions, still wanted to know the why, when and how. Had it been her idea or Tom’s? Was he just the rebound now?

No, he told himself. He had invited her as a friend. She had accepted as a friend. There was no underlying reason and he needed to stop interpreting it as anything else.

 

“I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

“It’s fine,” she said, offering him a small, half-hearted smile before turning her eyes back on the road. “I just don’t feel like talking about it right now.”

But the silence grew, became thick and heavy, and seemed to drown every other sound in the car.

Kate kept looking at the street ahead of them, refusing to acknowledge his gaze on her profile and he sighed before finally turning away, watching the landscape fly by the window of his side of the car.

Maybe she said it was fine, that he hadn’t overstepped any boundaries with his questions, but he knew that wasn’t true.

 

He should have just kept talking about the Hamptons, even when that had brought up the fact that Alexis had cancelled on him and their tradition. It had made him sad to realise his little girl was growing up, and there was nothing he could do about it. But of course, thinking about it had made him think about how Kate had initially declined his invitation, and he didn’t know what changed. And his stupid annoying writer brain had just refused to let it go, needed the whole story no matter the consequences. Castle sighed, forced his mind to think about something else, something they could talk about for the rest of the drive, anything to get rid of this awkward silence that seemed to grow heavier with every passing second.

 

Kate fiddled with the radio, changed the station a few times until she ended up at the one she started with and put her hand back on the steering wheel. Her fingers tapped lightly to the beat of the song coming from the radio, and subconsciously Castle started humming along.

The tension that had been building in the car seemed to vanish with every second as if the music absorbed it, and when the chorus started, they shared a short look before singing along.

* * *

 

Following the directions Castle gave her, Kate turned the car into the driveway of his beach house and stopped in front of his door.

While Castle got out of the car, stretched and walked around it to open the trunk and get out their bags, Kate finally allowed herself to take in the house completely and she briefly wondered how a family of three people needed a house that big. She had expected it to look like this, had seen the pictures Castle had shown her, and yet the size of it surprised her. It Left her in awe as she realised just how much money Castle must have had. And he invited her of all people to spend the weekend in this house.

 

Wrapped in her thoughts, she didn’t notice that he left the car, didn’t hear the sound of the trunk opening and the bags being lifted out of it. A knock on her window was the first sound she registered, and she turned her head, noticed Castle smiling at her through the window and she shook her head before opening her own door and exiting the car.

 

“You okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“I… yeah I am.”

She could see that he didn’t believe her. He looked at her for a moment as if to figure out what to do, but he didn’t say anything. And she was thankful for it. She didn’t even really understand it herself. She knew he was rich, had always known that, and she never freaked out about the size of his loft. But somehow seeing this house was different. She shook her head. There was no need to be freaking out about this, and she really wanted to go inside, so she smiled at Castle, and grabbed her bag from the ground where he had put it, ready to follow him into his house.

 

“Your room is upstairs,” he told her when they entered the house, the sun leaking through the glass door at the other side, illuminating the hallway, as Kate looked around, tried to take it in. “Do you want the complete tour, or do you first want to put your stuff away?”

"Uh… the complete tour sounds good," Kate replied, "but can I combine this with putting my bag in my room?"

“Good idea. Yes. I like the way you think”

Kate rolled her eyes but grinned when she followed him up the stairs.

“This is Alexis’ room,” he pointed to the door at the right side of the stairs, “there is mother’s,” she followed his arm to the door on the opposite wall. “And one of these would be yours” he directed her to the end of the hallway where she could see two more doors on each side. “I apologize for the view of the driveway,” he said when Kate walked to one of the rooms. “But, well, mother and Alexis chose the other two rooms.”

“Oh, that’s no problem,” Kate assured him.

“I mean you could probably stay in mother’s room if you wanted I-”

“Rick, it’s okay,” she interrupted him with a smile. “I don’t mind this view. As long as I have a bed to sleep in, I am fine.”

 

Kate walked past Rick and into the room next to Alexis’ to put down her bag next to the bed and then turned back to him, ready to see the rest of the house.

While they made their way downstairs, Castle started telling her about how he got this house, didn’t fail to mention how Kate unknowingly chose the room he used to sleep in, back when Alexis was little, and he felt more comfortable having the room next to hers instead of on the lower floor.

 

The anecdote about his room turned into an explanation about how exactly he changed the house over the years. Opening the kitchen to the living room because he didn’t like how closed off it was. And Kate thought about the time she spent in the loft with him, coming home after a day of work, with Castle preparing dinner in the kitchen, chatting with his family. She could see why he didn’t like having a wall in his beach house either.

 

Crossing the living space, they reached another door that opened to a library. Kate couldn't help but let her mouth fall open, even though she had no explanation for why she was surprised to see this. Castle having a library felt normal, felt right. But somehow, she hadn’t expected it.

She entered it with amazement, walked past Rick who stood next to the door he had opened for her, an amused look on his face that she didn’t see, too enthralled by the books that filled every space on the walls.

The armchairs that stood in the middle of the room looked inviting and she almost let herself sink into one of them, grab a book from one of the shelves - it didn’t even matter which book - and start reading.

But then her gaze fell to the window at the other end of the room. And the chairs seemed uninteresting.

"Alexis asked for a window seat once and well, I made it happen," Castle said from behind her, catching her off guard. She had almost forgotten he was here as well, that this was his library and not someplace in some fairytale.

“It’s amazing.”

She could imagine herself spending hours in that window seat, slowly making her way through Castle’s book collection as rain drummed against the window.

Or maybe she could just curl up on one of the chairs if Alexis was here as well. She wasn't going to take away that spot from the girl.

 

After a few more minutes of absorbing this room, Kate turned back around to face Castle. He was watching her, a soft smile on his lips, and his eyes lit up with something she decided she couldn't name, and she had to look away.

 

They left the library and made their way through the living space back into the hallway, turning towards the glass doors that lead to the garden.

They walked past a closed door, that Kate assumed lead to his bedroom, as she could see a desk and a few more bookshelves when they passed the open door next to it, assumed it was his office where he spent his time writing when he was here.

 

She knew what to expect when he opened the backdoor for her, after all, he had told her about the pool and the beach being right there. And yet, seeing it stopped her breath for a second.

 

She could see the water of the ocean, reflecting the sun and suddenly Kate couldn’t help feeling out of place, thinking about the other people - women - he brought here. Women who weren’t like her, women who were more his type. And she knew he wouldn’t have invited her had he not wanted her presence. But then, maybe he only did it because he didn’t want to be alone after Alexis cancelled, and she was the only available person right now. If she ignored the fact that he didn’t seem to have a problem asking Lanie as a rebound when she initially declined.

But the smile on his face when she finally told him she would like to come with him was evidence enough that he really did want to have her here with him. And didn't Lanie remind her that she knew very well how much the actions that brought him to page 6 were just acts for the public, a tool to sell more books?

 

Castle was next to her, talking about what they could do in his garden, pointing to the path that led towards the ocean, and she tried to listen, but her mind kept interfering.

Why would this rich author - her favourite author on top of that - want her, a simple Detective, in his beach house when he could have anyone else? She just couldn’t explain it to herself.

 

* * *

 

Castle looked to Kate, waiting for her response to his question about checking out the beach before dinner, but she didn't react at all. Her face was directed to the ocean like she was watching the reflection of the sun. He had done that too the first few times he was here after buying the house. Back when Alexis was little and wanted to spend the summers with him. But Kate wasn’t really watching the water, her eyes not focused on anything and she must be deep in thought.

He could ask her what was wrong, but maybe she was thinking about Demming, how much fun they could have, had she not decided to come with Castle instead. Maybe she regretted this choice, maybe this was too much at once for her.

But he needed to clarify. If she shut him out again the way she did in the car, decided to actually leave again, then he would find a way to apologize somehow.

 

“What is it?” he asked, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

She blinked after a second and turned her head to look at him.  “I … it’s stupid.”

“Nothing you think or do can possibly be stupid.”

“Oh, believe me, this one is.”

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Prove it.”

“Well it’s just -” Kate sighed, ran a hand through her hair and turned her head back to the water, avoiding his gaze, “me realising that you’re rich.”

He frowned. “You didn’t know that before?”

“Of course, I knew that before, Castle. But knowing and experiencing it are two different things. I mean I know you have the loft and your car service and all these other things that I am never going to be able to afford. But I am used to that. And this is ... just new.”

“Oh … I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize for that,” she waved him off with an apologizing smile.

 

“But this isn’t everything, is it?” he asked after a few seconds of silence.

She sighed. Of course, he noticed. “Maybe I am also thinking about the other people you brought here and gave that tour and wondering where I fit in.”

 

He followed her gaze to the ocean, thinking about how to reply to that. He hadn’t expected that. To be honest, he hadn’t expected her to even admit that there was something in addition to realizing he was rich. But here she was, opening up to him in a way that surprised him, caught him off guard.

“Yes, I brought other people - other women - up here,” he finally started, turning back to her, needing to watch her, “but you, Kate Beckett, you are the most amazing person I know.”

She lowered her head, let her hair fall over her face, but he still caught a glimpse of the smile that spread over her face. “Don’t worry too much about what kind of other people I know, when you’re better than all of them combined. You’re here because you’re my friend, not because I have money and am famous.”

 

She raised her head again, shook it to get the hair out of her face and turned her head to him, let him see her smile. “Yeah … I’m being weird.”

“I think you’re just Beckett,” he shrugged.

“Are you saying I am always weird?”

“What?!” he replied, his voice high pitched and alarmed. That wasn’t what he meant. She couldn’t think that. “No, I didn’t- I meant - what I - you always - I-”

He fumbled for the right words. Needed her to know this wasn’t what he meant at all. And her smile grew bigger, turned into a laugh.

“Oh, you’re so easy, Castle,” she gasped, holding her sides.

He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. “You know, just for that, I’m not making you dinner tonight.”

“Oh no, how will I survive?”

* * *

 

They stayed on the patio for a while, Castle told some stories about the town but mostly they just enjoyed the view, the soft breeze in their hair, and the sun slowly sinking lower over the ocean.

Then Castle declared he was hungry and could use some food, and Kate realised that she hadn’t eaten anything since her breakfast, so they went into the kitchen.

 

Dinner was something easy, quickly done and as much as Kate wanted to help him, didn’t feel comfortable sitting around and letting him do all the work, she had to agree that there wasn’t a lot she could help with today.

 

But when they were done and she got up, gathered the dishes and brought them to the kitchen sink, she didn’t let Castle stop her even if he tried.

So he shrugged and took a kitchen towel to dry the dishes and put them away after Kate cleaned them.

 

His mind wandered back to their conversation in the car, reminded him that he still wanted to know what exactly had happened with Demming. But he knew he shouldn’t ask her again. It would ruin the evening, she might even actually go back to the city.

So he swallowed his questions and followed Kate with his glass of wine into the living room, where they sat on the couch and talked until Kate yawned and decided to head to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, happily writing this chapter: wait a minute. New York is in the east of the US, the Hamptons are even more in the east, That ocean is in the east. the sun cannot set over the ocean but we saw a sunset over the ocean in 7x06 THEY LIED TO US I had a small crisis there... and then I googled the Hamptons and according to google maps there is also some water on the other side so let's just pretend Castle's house is on that part okay? okay
> 
> then I also had a minor crisis about the layout of the house cause I had a very specific image that I could not describe... then I opened the Sims and build it. and then I watched 5x4 and was like: fuuuuuuuuuuu this doesn't add up what do I do what do I do? I changed the position of the stairs, which lead to me having to change the upstairs and then I was still in a crisis and one more shoutout to Lou for telling me that it is not important if my image of the Hamptons house doesn't 100% match what we saw in the show.


	3. Chapter 3

When Kate woke up the next morning, the first thing she noticed was the sun coming through the window, illuminating the room and she sat up abruptly, grabbed her phone and unlocked the screen to check the time.

Only when her feet hit the floor, and she stopped mid-motion because it wasn’t the floor of her apartment did she remember that she was at Castle’s beach house. She didn’t sleep through her alarm, because she hadn’t set one, and she didn’t have to be at work today, or the next 3 days.

For a moment she considered going back to bed, but she was already up now, and the weather was too nice to spend the whole day in bed, so she got dressed and walked downstairs towards the smell of coffee calling for her as soon as she opened the door to the hallway.

* * *

As Castle had woken up this morning, he had to actively stop himself from walking upstairs to see if Kate was awake yet. He didn’t think she’d like him waking her if she wasn’t up yet, but even if she was, she probably didn’t need him to come and check on her. So, he went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

He started to brew a can of coffee and then went to mix the batter for the pancakes. When he heard Kate come down the stairs a few minutes later, he looked up with an easy smile on his face and a greeting on his lips that he had to swallow quickly.

He didn’t know why he was as unprepared as he was, as he had seen her in casual clothes before. But seeing Kate Beckett in a flowery blouse and jeans and barefoot, stopped him in his tracks.

 

“Morning,” she greeted him and her voice snapped him out of his thoughts

“Morning,” he finally said before he remembered that he was cooking. The pancake was darker than intended when he flipped it, but he couldn’t care less about that right now.

Kate walked past him and poured them both a cup of coffee before walking around the kitchen island, putting the cups of coffee on top of it and settling on a stool.

“Pancakes, huh?” she said with a wink. “At least Espo isn’t here this time.”

“This is tradition,” Castle defended himself before looking up and seeing Kate hiding her smirk by raising her mug and taking a sip of her coffee.

“And a thank you for being here,” he added before he could stop himself. Kate’s teasing smile disappeared, for a short second he could see the transformation into a soft smile before she hid her face behind the mug in her hands. Smiling Rick turned back to the pan on the stove, flipping the pancake in it. It hadn’t been his intention to embarrass her with that statement, but it was true. He was thankful that she was here with him. Not just because this way he had the chance to get to know her better, but also because she deserved some time away from the city and the crime she had to see almost every day. And it hadn’t even been 24 hours yet, but he could already see the difference in her, that she was more relaxed than he had ever seen her.

 

Kate cleared her throat and looked up again, seemingly back in control over her emotions. “Is the apron tradition as well?”

“Yes, it is”, Castle replied without batting an eye.

“A gift from Alexis?” Kate asked. She couldn’t see much of the print on the front of the green apron Castle wore, but what she could recognise looked like a child’s drawing. And she knew Castle well enough to know he would wear anything Alexis gave him with pride.

“Yep.” Castle had taken the last of the pancakes out of the pan and turned off the stove. “A birthday gift when she was seven. I think sometimes she wishes I’d stop wearing it, but I love it,” he shrugged.

“Is that why you keep it here and not in the Loft?”

“No, that is because I needed a cool apron in this house.”

Kate grinned at his words, warmth flooded her stomach as she looked at him. He had always been proud of Alexis, and everything his daughter did, and Kate knew he wore this apron because he wanted to, especially when Alexis wasn’t around to see him do it. This wasn’t new to her, had she seen him act like this when she lived in the Loft, and every time he talked about Alexis at the precinct. It still made her happy to see this version of Caste, reminded her that whatever page 6 wrote about him was in fact an act.

“Now shut up and eat your pancakes,” he said and put a plate in front of her, before sitting down next to her.

 

"What are we doing today?" Kate asked after the dishes were cleaned and Castle just closed the cupboard that holds the plates.

“I don’t have any plans,” he answered, and turned back to the kitchen island. “But we should get some groceries if we don’t want to starve until you leave again.”

“Okay, then we start there. Any idea what we want to eat?” Kate walked around the kitchen island, took out her phone to start typing a list.

“Oh, we don’t have to decide now.”

“You just said we should get groceries.”

“Well yeah but I don’t need a list for that,” he shrugged.

Kate looked up from her phone, one eyebrow raised. “O-kay.”

“You would prefer to write a list?”

“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”

“Oh no, this wasn’t my intention.” Castle raised his hands in defense. “I just - I don’t know I mean I am surprised you even want to come with me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because you don’t do grocery shopping?”

“That is not true.”  
“Hm,” Castle raised an eyebrow, “your fridge said otherwise,” he said, a mischievous spark in his eyes, that vanished as soon as he caught Kate’s eyes.

For a second she looked at him in disbelief, almost enjoyed the worried expression that appeared on Castle’s face. But then she shook her head, could no longer pretend she wasn’t amused, and Castle relaxed again. He walked around the kitchen island himself and sat on the stool next to Kate, agreeing to come up with a list.

* * *

 

“Oh,” Castle gasped next to Kate and she turned towards him in surprise, almost expecting him to have witnessed some crime. Apparently, her mind hadn’t entirely caught up to the vacation from work. Of course, there was nothing out of the ordinary in the vicinity and Kate frowned, wondered if she had imagined the noise, and was about to shrug it off, when Castle turned towards her with a bag of marshmallows.

“We forgot to put these on the list,” he said and dropped them in the shopping cart. “See, this is why I don’t write lists, because I keep forgetting to put important things like this on it.”

Kate was barely able to suppress her smile and had to turn her head for a second, while she pushed the shopping cart further down the aisle, looking for the next thing on their list.

 

“Tell me, Castle,” she started a few moments later. “How are marshmallows important?”

The insulted expression on Castle’s face almost made her lift her hands in defense and apologize to him, until he lifted his hand to his chest, feigning hurt.

“Beckett, you wound me. How are we supposed to eat s’mores without marshmallows?”

Well, he had a point there. And truth be told it really didn't bother her, after all, he was the one paying for everything they bought. If he wanted to buy the whole store, she wouldn't stop him. This didn't change the fact that she felt better with a list than without one.

“Hey, what if you go and get everything from this awesome list we came up with,” Castle interrupted her thoughts. “While I go and get all the things we forgot to put on the list?”

“Uhm sure,” Kate said with a shrug and Castle grinned at her gleefully before he turned around and vanished around the next corner. Sometimes he was the biggest child Kate knew, but for once it didn’t bother her at all. In fact, she struggled to keep the smile off her face, while she scanned the list once more and then turned her head to figure out where to find what else she needed.

 

Castle had wandered around the store to find the chocolate and graham crackers for the s’mores. How could he have forgotten to put that on the list? It was an essential meal for this weekend. Alexis would be disappointed for sure.

But he had now found everything and was making his way back to Kate. Luckily the store wasn’t too big, so it didn’t take him too long.

He almost dropped the chocolate when he found her at the other end of the store, where the sunlight was able to enter the store through the window and illuminate her from behind.

She raised her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear while scanning the cupboards for whatever she was searching.

Forgetting about the items he was carrying, Castle took the notebook and pen, he was always carrying with him, out of his pocket and opened it. The Chocolate and crackers tumbled to the ground at his feet, but he didn’t notice it.

The urge to write right now was too much, the scene forming in his head too strong to be pushed back until he was home and could lock himself away in his office for an hour or two.

He barely even noticed Kate appearing in front of him a few minutes later, too enthralled in his writing to care for anything that happened around him.

Kate bent down to grab the chocolate and crackers from the floor and put them in the shopping cart, before putting her hand over his elbow to guide him to the checkout, pay for their things and leave the store.

 

When they arrived back at the house a couple minutes later, he barely managed to offer a short apology to Kate and went straight into his office, opened the file he had been working on and continued his writing there.

Kate stood in the hallway for a moment, before she remembered the groceries that needed to be put away and went to do exactly that.

 

After she was done with that, she found herself at a loss of things to do. She didn’t want to disturb Castle when he was so clearly being inspired by something that happened at the store - she had no idea how a shopping trip for groceries could be inspiring to anyone but what did she know about writing, anyway - but she also didn’t really feel comfortable just wandering around in the house without him knowing about it.

She went to his office, just to check if maybe he had reached a point in his writing where he was able to talk to her and paused in the doorway.

He definitely was not able to talk to her, sitting in front of his laptop, focused on whatever he was typing very rapidly. And Kate couldn’t help herself but stay there. Distantly she thought about how much she hated it when he just watched her working at the precinct, was aware that she was doing it right now, but she couldn’t stop. Watching Richard Castle work on a book about her, inspired by her, was something she didn’t ever think possible and it was exciting.

 

But she couldn’t stay here like this, watching him work, pushing his glasses - since when was he wearing glasses? - up his nose, not ever losing focus on his writing. As exciting as it was, she feared he would sooner or later notice her there, and she didn’t want to be the reason his concentration was gone or explain to him why she was so obviously doing what she kept telling him to stop doing.

She was about to turn around and leave him be when her gaze fell on the bookshelf next to the door. She could grab a book from there and read it until he was done writing. That seemed like a good idea.

As silently as possible she entered his office completely and walked to the bookshelf, ready to look for a book she might find interesting. But instead, she raised her eyebrows and cast another glance towards Castle.

She couldn’t exactly explain why it surprised her, but she hadn’t expected him to own his books in different languages. However here they were. All the Derrick Storm novels next to Heat Wave, in multiple different languages.  Part of her felt like reading them, but her language skills were probably not good enough to enjoy them as much as she did in English, so she decided against that.

 

With a smile Kate turned away from the bookshelf and left the room, Castle was still typing, and she was glad to notice there was little to no backspacing, so he must be happy with what he was writing.

She went into the library he had shown her yesterday and found a book she could read there, before making her way to the patio, making herself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs and opening the book to read.

* * *

 

Castle looked up from his Laptop and judging by the sun that was shining through his office window he must have been writing for hours. Which would explain why he felt so hungry. He got up, stretched and left his office to look for some food in his kitchen.

Seeing the fridge, he remembered why he started writing in the first place. And that Kate was somewhere here and quickly turned around. Hopefully, she wasn't too upset with him for abandoning her like this on her first day in the Hamptons. 

He just hadn’t felt this good about his writing in weeks and he couldn’t stop himself and suddenly hours had gone by and he had written a scene that sadly didn’t actually fit in the book at all. But he wouldn't complain about that right now. Maybe he could find a use for it in a later book, he did have to write at least two more after all. Luckily after he had finished that scene, he also had come up with words to finish a chapter of the actual book he was supposed to write.

 

He found Kate on the patio, curled on a chair, sunglasses covering her eyes, reading a book, and he had to stop right where he was standing.

She was gorgeous. That wasn't a new revelation, he had known that since the moment she had asked him to come to the precinct with her so she could ask him about a murder that took place that night.

But right now, right here in this moment, it hit him harder.

How comfortable she looked in his house. How the place itself seemed more complete with her being here.  Like she belonged here.

He had to physically take a step back when that thought hit him.

He had always felt like something was missing in his house, but he was never able to figure out what exactly it was. Now he knew.

Kate fit here perfectly, fit flawlessly in his life. But he couldn’t really do anything about it, could he? At least not in this moment. It would be too much too fast. Probably. Maybe. What if it wasn’t? What if that was something Kate needed to hear?

But what if it was too much? He didn’t want to risk driving her away right now. Her being here with him was too important to mess up. He had to follow her lead on this.

 

Castle took a deep breath and stepped forward, made his way towards Kate.

She looked up from the book he recognised as one from his library, slid a finger between the pages before closing it, and pushed her sunglasses up her head. The fact that she seemed comfortable enough in his house to raid his library while he was busy, excited him and he felt the smile blooming on his face.

"Hey," she smiled at him and followed his movements as he sat down on the other lounge chair with a greeting. "You done writing?"  
“Yeah. Sorry for just leaving though.”

“Oh no don’t apologize, Rick. It’s your job and if you need to write, then you write.  I mean at least now I know Gina won’t have a reason to actually kill you.”  
Castle laughed and nodded “Yeah, and I am very happy to know that, too.”

“So, the book is going fine?” Kate asked. She didn’t want details about the story, obviously, wanted to enjoy it once it was published, wanted to be surprised by the twists and turns it would take. But the moment she had spent watching him do his actual job had sparked something inside her that she couldn’t quite place.

“I finished a chapter,” Castle told her with pride.

“Oh, that’s great,” Kate said, her smile growing bigger.

“I also wrote a scene that doesn’t fit in the book at all, unless I rewrite it completely,” he added.

“Is that bad?” Kate asked.

Castle shrugged. “Best case is I can put it in another book somehow. Worst case no one will ever get to read it. It’s not a bad thing,” he added when he noticed Kate’s expression change into slight concern. “It happens.”

All the same, it hadn’t happened to him in quite some time, and if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t know when it happened the last time. Definitely the early Derrick Storm Novels. Back when he had fun writing them, when he didn’t know how his character would behave before he even started the book. He hadn’t expected it to ever happen again, had accepted that he was only writing what he needed for a book. Until Detective Beckett had appeared at his book launch party a little more than a year ago and he had for the first time in a long time felt happy about writing. But even then, after he found a new character to write a book about, he hadn’t written a scene that didn’t fit into the book. Sure, sometimes he wrote a few words here and there to get the words flowing, but never a complete scene.  Let alone one that he could see himself expanding if he actually wanted to.

 

Castle grew silent and seemed lost in his thoughts, looking at the ocean glittering in the sunlight in the distance. Kate wanted to avert her eyes, knew how much she hated being watched when she was thinking, trying to piece together the evidence in a case, but he was still wearing the glasses she saw in his office for the first time, and she couldn’t look away no matter how much she wanted to.

She could see the moment he noticed her staring, the second he stopped thinking about whatever he was thinking about, but she still didn’t look away.

“What?” he asked, confusion in his voice.

“Nothing,” she hurried to say. “I just … didn’t know you wore glasses.”

His head whipped around to look at her, surprise - and worry? - in his eyes, and Kate drew back an inch. His hand rose and touched the frame as if to check that they were indeed there.

“Well,” he said and took them off. “I don’t like wearing them.”

“Why not?”

“They make me feel old,” he whined, and Kate almost laughed, was barely able to keep a straight face and not show her amusement. “But when I am writing and looking at the computer for hours on end… it’s easier now I have the glasses. But if you tell anyone then I’ll never talk to you ever again.”

“Oh no... how will I survive that.”

“Oh, you make jokes about it, but we both know, Kate, you would be bored without me at work and you’d miss me after a week.”

“As if you could stay away from the precinct for more than two days.”

“I could.”

“Mhm. Of course, you could,” Kate replied while turning her attention back to the book she had snatched from his library, making it obvious that she wasn’t going to keep that conversation going. But she didn’t try to hide the smile on her face and Castle shook his head before getting up to put his glasses back into his office where they belonged.

But before he entered the house he turned around again, remembering why he came out here in the first place. “Do you want to eat something?” he called, drawing Kate’s attention from the book.

She thought for a second before nodding and following him inside, “Food sounds great right now.”

* * *

 

“Sometimes I forget how many stars you can see when you’re not in the city.”

They had finished dinner, grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses, and sat down on the patio a while ago. Watching the sun set behind the ocean, Castle had turned on a lantern to make sure they didn’t sit in complete darkness.

Without the sun keeping them warm it had gotten chilly pretty fast and Kate had gone to get a hoodie for herself before Castle offered her the blanket she now had around her shoulders as well. Why he didn't seem to need more than his shirt to keep warm was beyond her, but then her dad never needed more than a shirt either on their vacations spent at the cabin. She and her mom would consider a third blanket to cuddle beneath until her dad thought about maybe changing into a long-sleeved shirt. She hadn’t visited the cabin in far too long.

 

"My dad has a cabin and we used to spend most of our vacations there when I was little," Kate started. "We used to sit out on the porch or at the lake and look at the stars." She traced the rim of her wine glass with a finger, an absent-minded smile on her face. “My dad tried to show me the constellations, but I am still unable to find any of them.”

Castle chuckled, picturing a young version of Kate listening to her the stories her dad told her. Remembered how excited Alexis got whenever he told stories.

"Your dad owns a cabin?" he asked a few moments later, his curiosity winning.

“Yeah,” Kate said with a smile in her voice. “My parents taught me to swim in the lake and we used to go hiking in the woods. And I loved being there as a child.”

“I can imagine,” he said wistfully. He loved his house in the Hamptons of course, but the image of a small cottage at a lake, surrounded by a forest, was amazing.

 

“You should come someday.”

Castle’s turned his head to Kate. Did she really just invite him to her dad’s cabin? Was she aware of what she had said, or would she realise it in a second and take it back?

It was too dark to properly see her facial expression, the lantern on the table between them provided just enough light to see the wine glass in her hand, but of her face, he could only see the outline.

It surprised himself how much he wanted to accept this invitation. How much he longed to take a vacation with her in her dad’s cabin. But she was here with him, right? So maybe she actually did mean to invite him.

“That would be nice,” he finally said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that scene where Kate watches Castle write was definitely not a description of my own writing process of that scene. Nope. what makes you think that. who would ever do that   
> ((It totally was though))
> 
> also this was the chapter where I suddenly write 1700 words without a break and I still have no idea how I did that cause usually I wrote like 100-300 words a day but yeah that happened so I guess ... describing your own writing process helps???


	4. Chapter 4

They found themselves walking along the beach the next day. A few clouds covered the sky above them, hiding the sun behind them from time to time, a cool breeze reminded them that the summer, while on its way, was still weeks away.

Kate took off her shoes, dug her toes into the wet sand and let the water wash over them as it lapped over the shore.

 

Castle walked next to her, unable to not watch her in awe. The water must be cold, it hadn't been warm enough for long enough for the water to not be cold. But Kate seemed not to care about it. Her face practically radiated joy as she stopped walking, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, turning her head towards the sun, while the breeze caught her hair before she continued walking.

 

It caught him off guard - as had so many other things in the 2 days they had spent here - while at the same time felt comforting. Knowing that she felt safe enough here to let down her guard and stop worrying about all the things she seemed to worry when they were in the city.

 

A few moments later, she took a few steps back from the water, dried off her feet in the sand and put her shoes on again before she turned around to him.

“What is taking you so long?" she asked, referring to the distance she had put between them when he had stopped walking to just watch her.

“Just … admiring the view,” he replied and hurried to catch up to her.

 

“You’ve never been to the ocean?” Rick asked when he stood next to her.

“What makes you think that?” she replied, almost defensive.

He shrugged. “You reminded me of Alexis when we came here the first time.”

“Oh.” A smile appeared on her face. “I mean I have been to the ocean before, just not this one. And not nearly as often as I would like to,” she answered. “We always went to the cabin. And, well, after mom died I,” she trailed off, the smile on her face vanishing, as her gaze seemed to lose focus.

Castle looked at her, waited a second for her to continue, but he could imagine what she would say. She didn’t go on vacation often, he knew that. He also knew he didn’t want her to dwell on that thought for too long.

“Well I guess that just means you have to come here more often,” he replied when he was sure Kate wasn’t going on.

She smiled at him, the sadness that had clouded her face a second ago vanished, her eyes sparkling by the reflection of the sun.

“I guess I’ll have to,” she agreed and turned around to keep waking.

 

They kept walking along the beach, the sand slowing them down, somehow preventing the distance between them from getting too big.

His hand brushed against hers with almost every step and he could just take it in his. His mind was practically screaming for him to do just that. He didn’t have to do a lot. Just let his hand drift a few millimeters further and he could grab her hand in his.

But he hesitated. Again. Because what if she didn’t want this. Sure, she hadn’t taken her hand away even though she must have felt the weird electricity between them whenever their hands brushed.

Or maybe he was really just imagining things, and there was nothing between them. Maybe he just wanted there to be something between them, and he managed to see it without it actually being there.

How could he be certain that she agreed to spend this weekend with him because she didn’t want to be with Demming after all? Who said Demming hadn’t actually been the one to end things and Kate had just taken that opportunity to be away from the city? 

It didn’t seem like something she would do but-

 

“I ended things with Demming”, she said suddenly, bringing his battling thoughts to a stop and leaving him in confusion. Had she just read his mind?  “That’s why the plans got cancelled,” she added at the sight of his expression.

"Oh," he managed to say, trying to connect what she just had said. "yeah. I mean, to be honest, I figured that much."

“Oh…”

“Just because he liked you too much to be the one to end it,” he explained. He had been able to see that, even if his mind was questioning it just a few seconds ago. And he could admit that maybe Demming wasn’t his favourite person, but he was not a fool. And he would have been a fool to end things with Kate.

A shy smile spread over Kate's face and she turned her head toward the ocean.

“I liked him too,” she whispered. “I thought we could work, but it was pointless from the beginning and I should have accepted that.”

 

They were silent for a moment, Kate looking over the ocean, Castle looking at her, trying to find words to reply but his mind wasn’t cooperating. It was too busy screaming at him because Kate was about to tell him what happened on Friday.

 

“So…” he started after moments of silence, unable to wait any longer for her to continue without prompting. He needed to know what she wanted to say. “What … changed?”

“I finally realised it wasn’t fair to him.” _Or you_ her mind added. She opened her mouth to add these words out loud but couldn’t make them work.

A coward. She was a coward. Here it was. Finally, the perfect opportunity to tell him. Put everything out there, but she couldn’t find the words.

She could swear she saw a hint of hope in his eyes. It almost made her brave enough, but the annoying voice in her mind piped up again. Reminded her whom she was actually talking to. How there was no way she didn’t imagine this. No matter what Lanie or Espo had said. Why would Richard Castle want to be with her?  She shouldn’t risk the friendship they had managed to build over the last year, wouldn’t risk ruining this weekend, and she was sure if she continued talking, that would happen. The comfort she was feeling right now would vanish, and they would be left feeling uncomfortable around each other, not knowing what to say to each other. And she’d have to leave earlier than she wanted to. Which would be a shame because he had promised her a firework.

 

Neither of them had noticed the changes in their surroundings. The clouds gathering together, hiding the sun and darkening the sky and the breeze picking up.

Both of them were too occupied with their own thoughts, too busy trying to figure out what to say and how to say it.

When the first raindrop hit, they looked up into the sky, and before they could figure out what had happened, the sky seemed to open up and empty itself over them.

They shared a look, a silent agreement between them, and took off running back to the house.

* * *

 

They had been walking for a while, covered a significant distance from the house when the rain started, and even though they were running back to the house they were soaked when they finally stumbled through the door.

Catching their breath, they stopped in the hallway, their wet clothes clung to their skin and for a second Kate thought about how glad she was that she didn’t wear anything white. Then her eyes met Castle’s and her mind went blank.

His eyes seemed darker than they usually were - not that she ever spent time thinking about the shade of his eye colour. She definitely had never done that before - and he looked like he had wanted to say something but then stopped mid-thought when he had turned around and seen her.

He was standing closer to her than ever, his chest moving beneath his wet shirt in time with his breathing.

“I should-” she cleared her throat, “get changed,” she finished and walked past him to climb the steps to the guest room, leaving Castle in the hallway, dripping water on the floor.

  


When Kate came down again half an hour later, Castle was already waiting for her, taking a sip from the mug in his hand. Another one was sitting on the counter next to him.

"I thought hot chocolate would help right now," he explained before taking another sip and suddenly she felt guilty. She just left him standing in the hallway, she still kind of owed him an explanation for changing her mind the way she did. For what she meant at the beach before the rain stopped that conversation going anywhere. And here he was, preparing a hot chocolate for her, not pushing her to talk.

She wanted to put her gratitude into words. At least thank him for giving her the space she needed but the words still didn’t come. They kept themselves away from her and she started to hate it.

 

“Wanna play a video game?” he asked, interrupting her attempts to find some words, and she raised her head to look at him.  
She had expected him to want to talk about what happened, but she couldn’t find anything in his face that indicated that desire. He just looked at her with a smile that reminded her of an excited child, and she felt her lips curling into a smile of her own."Sure," she said and followed him from the kitchen counter to the couch in front of the TV. "But you should know that I suck at video games."

“Oh, that is okay. I’d kick your ass anyway,” he said casually and handed her a controller.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, finishing this chapter: I hate this chapter  
> me, editing this chapter: actually this chapter is really nice  
> me, for the past few hours today: aaaaaaaaah what if this chapter sucks?  
> me, uploading this chapter and having to read it again to check the formatting: this chapter is not bad  
> I think my only problem is that it is only 1600 words, which is not bad like for me that's a lot. but the other chapters are all like 3000 words long so yeah  
> anyway I hope you enjoyed it


	5. Chapter 5

The next day promised good weather again. The rain had stopped in the night, and in the morning the sun was shining again. Castle was relieved, he had worried they'd have to cancel the plans for the evening. Fireworks, when it rained, weren't half as fun, and roasting marshmallows could be done inside but who would want that when there was a perfectly fine fireplace outside?

Occasionally he looked into the sky with a worried expression, as if he was expecting the weather to change suddenly, just like the day before. He could see a few clouds in the sky, but they weren’t a threat to their plans.

 

"Wait," he said when he was gathering the fireworks to put them outside, ready to be fired off. "You don't have to arrest me because these are illegal, do you?"

Kate looked up from the food she was preparing for their dinner, something she actively had to fight for, as he kept insisting, she was his guest and didn’t need to lift a finger at all this weekend. She had argued that Monday wasn’t part of the weekend and she hadn’t listened to him on the actual weekend either, so he had grudgingly accepted.

“Well, since you just told me...” She didn’t bother finishing the sentence, trying to keep a straight face about the expression of panic that spread over his face. “But I am actually not working right now, and I don’t have any jurisdiction here either way. So, this time you’re getting away with it.”

“Lucky me,” he said and went on with his work, while Kate shook her head with an amused smile.

* * *

 

The night was filled with sounds, fireworks going off in all directions - of course, Castle wasn't the only one who brought fireworks, he wasn't even the one who had brought the most. Their supply had run empty a couple minutes ago, his neighbours, however, didn't seem to stop anytime soon.   
Kate had shot him a surprised look, but he had just shrugged and explained that as much as he liked firing them off, he did prefer just watching them.

So here they were, at the beginning of the path leading to the beach looking at the dark sky that lit up every few seconds in red and blue and green. They listened to the whooshing sound of the fireworks going off, followed by the crackle and bursts when it exploded high in the sky.

 

He had brought her a blanket that was now lying over her shoulders, her hands curled into the edges to hold them together and keep the chill of the night away from her. The light of the fireworks was reflecting in her eyes, the wind had pushed a strand of hair into her face, but she didn’t care enough to push it away again.

Kate must have noticed him staring and turned her head to look at him. He couldn't say it surprised him, after all, she was a cop and he didn't try to hide what he was doing, but he still felt caught, was expecting her to tell him how staring was creepy, but she was smiling brightly. The look of pure joy on her face made his heart skip a beat and his lips curl into a smile as well.

When she turned her head towards him the movement pushed the hair out of her face, but as she looked back to the fireworks again, the hair moved back too. Castle's fingers twitched with the same energy from the day before. He could raise them and brush the hair out of her face, maybe let his fingers linger for a second too long, feel the warmth of her skin underneath. But he didn't. He put his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and in silence, they watched until his neighbours ran out of fireworks.

 

* * *

 

_There’s a bang, then there’s fire, orange and yellow flames, engulfing the building, and he is too late. He needs to go inside. He needs to save her, get her out of there. But he can’t move, his legs are frozen, refusing to do what he tells them, and he can only watch as the house burns down in front of him._

 

Castle opened his eyes, let them adjust to the darkness in his bedroom, the only light coming from the moon, illuminating a strip of his bedroom floor, where the curtains weren’t completely drawn shut.

He turned on his back, raised a hand to rub over his forehead, and sighed.

It wasn't the first time he dreamed about that day, but the last time it happened was weeks ago, shortly after Kate had found a new place to live and moved out of the loft. That night had been the first night he couldn't climb the stairs to his guest room, to reassure himself, that she was alright. He had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling until Kate had called him about a case. And since then, the dream hadn't come back.

And he hadn’t expected it to do so now. Yet here he was, unable to stop the images forming behind his eyelids.

 

But oh, she was here, he could go upstairs and check on her, let himself see that she was okay, sleeping soundly in his guest room, just like she did in the loft.

With that idea in mind, he got out of bed and made his way out of the room, already turning towards the stairs, when he noticed light coming from the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Kate hadn’t been able to sleep at all. She had been tired and longing for the comfortable bed in the guest room. But when she lay down and closed her eyes, started to relax, her brain had started to work, replaying the weekend she had spent with Castle. All the looks she had noticed him casting her way, but pretended not to see, the missed opportunities for a proper conversation about them, about what this weekend meant for them, as friends and maybe as something else.  
And every time a small part in her mind had won, had reminded her that a man like Richard Castle - successful, charming, rich - would never want anyone like her for more than one night.

She had tried to shut up her mind, think about anything else. But it didn’t work. In the past, when she tried to stop thinking about certain things, she thought about work. But Castle was present at work as well so that hadn’t been helpful at all.

And when the clock on the nightstand had told her it was 3 am she had decided to get up and make herself a hot chocolate, just to do something.

She had walked downstairs as silently as possible, inwardly cursed herself for not putting on socks when her bare feet hit the cold tiles of the kitchen floor and opened the kitchen cabinet to take out a mug.

 

When she reached to grab the box with the chocolate her elbow brushed against it and swept it off the counter. It hit the ground with a thud that rang through the room and Kate cursed. Just because Castle had told her to feel at home, didn’t mean she needed to wake him up, just because she couldn’t sleep.  
She listened, trying to hear if she had woken him up, but the only sound she heard was the clock above the doorway, ticking loudly in the otherwise silent room.

Releasing her breath, she grabbed the box from the floor and turned back to the kitchen counter, continuing to prepare a hot chocolate for herself.

 

Just as she was finished, Castle appeared in the doorframe. His hair dishevelled from sleep and his eyes blinking in the light of the ceiling lamp.

“Hey,” he greeted, his voice rough from sleep, and Kate almost jumped, causing him to apologize in a rush.

“Did I wake you?” she asked concerned, but he only shook his head.

“Uh no. I was still up.”

She looked at him for a moment longer, could see that he wasn’t telling the entire truth but decided to ignore the feeling. If he didn’t want her to know she woke him up she wouldn’t force him to tell her.

“Want one too?” She pointed to her mug, noticed Castle’s eyes wandering over the counter until they set on the box, she had dropped a few moments ago. “I hope it’s okay that I use your kitchen like this.”

“Of course, it’s no problem. And yeah I could use one.”

 

Kate went to take a new mug out of the cabinet, while Castle walked around the island to sit down on one of the stools, watch her work in his kitchen like she ended up doing in the mornings when he refused to let her help him prepare their breakfast.

“So, what keeps you awake?” he asked.

“Not sure,” Kate shrugged and filled the mug with chocolate. “Lots of thoughts I guess.”

“Want to talk about it?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure I can find the right words to express these thoughts.”

Really what was she supposed to tell him at 3 am in his kitchen? _Oh, remember yesterday when we were surprised by the rain and there was this weird electricity between us, and I ran away? And then we didn't talk about it? Let's talk about this right now at 3 am in your kitchen when we're both tired and I am definitely not in a state to have a conversation like that._  
But then maybe this was the right moment to talk. Maybe the lack of filter was what they needed when they couldn’t talk otherwise.

“Hmm okay,” he agreed and took the mug she offered him from her hands.

They spent the next few moments in silence, both sipping on their mug and lost in their own thoughts.

Kate knew the moment to talk about them was over, when he agreed to drop it, and she looked for anything to stop the silence, that started to feel awkward.

“What about you?” she finally asked

“Me?”

“What keeps you awake so late?”

“Ah you know, lots of thoughts,” he said, repeating her own words.  
Receiving a pointed look from Kate, he sighed, lowered his head and looked into the mug while talking. “I’m not sure. I think I dreamed about your apartment blowing up.”

“You did?” Kate’s voice was full of surprise and concern.

“Yeah, it happens from time to time.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah it’s not like I tell you every time it happens,” Castle replied with a smirk

“Right, sorry.”

“Just so you know, I am very glad you are okay. My mind just likes to torture me with ‘what if’ scenarios. Usually when I am sleeping.”

He was staring at his hands now as if he was worried, he had said too much as if he couldn't bear to look at her and see whatever he feared to see. Kate put her hand over his and squeezed lightly.

“You know, what happened to my apartment was not your fault, right?”

He looked up. “Most of the time, yes.”

 

There it was again. That soft look in her eyes he had seen so many times these past days. The look he tried to understand but was scared to misinterpret. She smiled at him. A small smile that didn’t reach her eyes, still showing concern, mixed with something else.

“It’s getting late.” Castle cleared his throat. “We should go get some more sleep.”

He drew back his hand from under hers, got up from the chair and walked away. Steam was emerging from his mug still half-full with the hot chocolate Kate had made for him. And she blinked, her gaze followed him until he walked around the corner, and she could hear the soft click of his door being shut.

* * *

 

When Kate finally emerged from her room the next day, Castle was already cooking something in the kitchen. Knowing that he wouldn’t let her help him she walked around the kitchen island and set down on the stool she had come to know as her stool by now.

“Pancakes?” she asked with a nod to the plate he already had stacked a few.

“It’s traditional last-day-at-the-Hamptons-breakfast.”

“I thought it was tradition first-day-at-the-Hamptons-breakfast.”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules,” he defended himself.

Kate raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“No seriously. Alexis made this rule.”

Kate shook her head with a smile. “You do know that you’re the adult and you can say ‘no’, right?”

“But… why would I say no to Pancakes?” he asked her in return, taking the finished pancake out of the pan and putting it on top the of the others, before starting the next one.

“Good point,” Kate agreed. There was no point fighting him about this either way. And why would she argue against pancakes? “But it’s not your last day at the Hamptons,” she added, before taking the first sip of her coffee.

“So? It’s your last day here,” he shrugged. “And it’s Pancakes.”

“You can eat them every day for the rest of the summer, actually for the rest of your life.”

“Now, while I would love to do that, that’d be a bad idea and I would stop liking them very soon,” Castle argued, took the last pancake out of the pan and turned off the stove. “Plus, I don’t even know if I would manage to actually prepare that much food in the next days,” he added before walking around the kitchen island to sit down next to Kate and grab one of the pancakes from the plate.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to be writing. And well sometimes if it’s going really well, I don’t notice the time flying by until hours later.”  
“So you might not eat anything?”

“Of course, I’ll eat something. Just not pancakes.”

“Except on your last day here.”

“Except on my last day here, that is correct. Unless you decide to come visit again. Since then that will be your first day at the Hamptons again.”

“Can I veto this?”  
Castles gasped. “You would say no to my pancakes? This hurts, Beckett. This really hurts.”

“I’m saying no to you making breakfast the next time I am here. Now shut up and eat,” she replied, hiding her grin behind her mug of coffee.

 

After they were done, she got up, grabbed his plate to take it to the kitchen sink, but he stopped her.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Do you want to get rid of me?”  
“No I just want you to feel like a guest and you won’t let me.”  
“You also told me to feel at home,” she replied with a smug grin leaving him gaping at her for a second.

“Shut up,” he finally said, and Kate burst out laughing.

 

Later, after they finished cleaning the dishes and Kate left to pack her things, he was walking her to her car, her bag over his shoulder. He had taken it from her as she came downstairs and refused to listen to her protesting.

"You really don't have to do that," Kate tried for the fifth time.

“I already did it,” he replied as he put it into the trunk of her car.

With nothing left to do he walked around the car and stopped in front of her.

“So,” she started, unsure of what to say or do. Should she hug him? Just shake his hand? Do neither? Keep ignoring everything that almost happened between them these past days? She settled for a ‘See you’ and immediately cursed herself when the light in his eyes almost unnoticeably dimmed.

“Text me when you’re home?”

“I will.”

 

She should leave. She should get inside her car and drive away like she had planned. But her legs didn’t move. Her eyes were locked with his and she knew there was something in them he tried to hide. Something that slowly built the longer she stood in front of him without moving.

His eyes flickered to her lips and before she could formulate the thought that provoked, his lips were on hers, warm and soft and better than she had imagined it over and over this past weekend - oh who was she kidding, this past year.

His hands palmed her face and she wanted to respond. She wanted to close her eyes, let her fingers tangle in his hair but her body wasn’t responding to any signal her brain was desperately sending out.

She felt frozen in place and she wanted to kick herself.

 

It didn’t last long.

He drew back and dropped his hands from her face. Her own hands were lifted mid-air - when that happened, she had no idea - and she noticed a hint of regret in his eyes. And oh god why couldn’t she kiss him back? Why couldn’t she do the one thing she had been thinking about for the past months?

 

His mouth opened but before the words she knew would be an apology, could leave his lips, she interrupted him. There was nothing to apologize for. Not for him at least.

“I should go.”

That wasn’t what she wanted to say. That wasn’t even close to what she wanted to say. She wanted to take the words back, erase the regret in his eyes that was growing, but he was already moving backwards, putting a distance between them, that felt more than space. She took a deep breath, searched for the right words to make him understand, even though she didn’t understand it herself. There weren’t any.

“Yeah of course,” he agreed, and she knew it was done. He had done the one thing she had wanted him to do and she had ruined it.

There was nothing left to do, and she turned around, opened the door of her car, sat down and sighed before starting the engine and driving away.

 


	6. Chapter 6

He was an idiot. Of course, she didn't want to kiss him. This was Kate Beckett. She never made it a secret how little she liked him.

Even though she had agreed to spend the weekend with him in the Hamptons and it had felt right and he could have sworn there was something building between them. Well if there was, then he broke it down again just now.

Her car was long gone, turned around the corner at the end of his property when he finally moved from his spot and walked into his home. He closed the door and leaned against it, dropping his head back as he closed his eyes.

 

He stood there for a few more minutes, tried to figure out what exactly went wrong. Their weekend played behind his closed eyes, the looks he had caught her giving him, the smiles on her face when they watched the fireworks and how easy it all had been.

He didn’t understand her reaction.

With a sigh, he pushed himself away from the door. He had a book to finish after all.

For a second he wished he could have stopped her from helping him with the dishes so he could do something else right now. The thought of writing left him feeling sick. How was he supposed to do Nikki justice in this state of mind?

Instead of walking to his office he went into the living room to lay on his couch and feel miserable. He would be allowing himself this day to feel miserable, tomorrow he could go back to writing. And when he was finished with the book … He didn’t know what he would do then. He could spend the entire summer in this house, his mother would come at some point, and Alexis’ college program didn’t last the whole summer either. He didn’t need to get back to the precinct, the research he had done already was more than enough to finish the 3 books his contract asked for.

Except, he wanted to go back to the precinct, he wanted to see Kate again no matter how much it hurt right now. He wanted to see the boys and the Captain. And yes, he wanted to help solve cases.Maybe in a few weeks, he would be able to go back to being just friends with Kate. If that was what it took, he could do that.

 

A knock on the front door pulled him out of his thoughts and he sat up again, furrowing his brows. He didn't expect anyone today. And frankly, he didn't want to see anyone right now. He just wanted to be left alone for the day. Wallow in self-pity and ignore every responsibility he had.

Whoever was at the door knocked again with a little more confidence this time and he sighed deeply before he got up from the couch. Apparently, he wasn't allowed to wallow in self-pity today.

 

Castle had no idea who was at the door when he opened it, and seeing Kate on the other side was the last thing on his mind. But there she was, nervously biting her lip, looking both determined and on the verge of fleeing.

Before he could sort his thoughts and ask what she was doing here - she left half an hour ago after all - she lifted her eyes to meet his.

“I forgot something,” she said and he nodded before stepping aside to let her in, berating himself for the glimmer of hope he had felt, as if she had another reason to come back.

 

Kate hesitated for a fraction of a moment, seemed to need to take a breath before she stepped into the hallway. Castle closed the door behind her and turned around, more confused than before.

Kate had stopped just a few steps away from him, seemed unsure of what to do now that she was here. Her hands were wrung together and she opened her mouth but no words came out.

“If you tell me what you forgot, I can help you find it,” Castle offered, tried to sound casual but knew he failed at that. There was nothing casual about this situation. He had misread the whole situation and kissed her, and she had left without a word just to realise she forgot something.

“It’s,” she started and he raised his eyebrows, was about to offer to send it to her instead of prolonging this moment, but before he could say a word she took another deep breath. “This,” she said, took a step forward and pressed her lips on his.

For a second he froze the surprise keeping him from moving. She was kissing him. Kate Beckett was kissing him. Her hands held his cheeks and she was kissing him and when she was about to draw back he finally started to move. His hands spread over her hips, drawing her closer while he kissed her back.

 

After a while, he drew back, rested his forehead against hers, and slowly opened his eyes.

“I forgot to do this,” she said, her fingers playing with his hair, and he chuckled.

 

After a few moments of contented silence, Kate lifted her head to look at him, her eyes caught his and she caressed his cheek with her hand. “I’m sorry,” she said.

For a moment he froze. Was she apologizing for kissing him? "For what?", he asked, trying to not sound worried. Trying to reason with himself that it made no sense for her to apologize for kissing him when she specifically came back to do that.

“Leaving you the way I did.” And oh yeah that made more sense.

“Hm, you’re forgiven,” he said before kissing her again.

 

“Why exactly did you leave?”

They were standing in the kitchen. Castle had offered her a coffee, trying to avoid the inevitable of her leaving again. Yes, she just had coffee for breakfast before leaving. And, yes that wasn't that long ago. But she had agreed and no choice other than to follow him, as he had taken her hand in his and started walking.

“I don’t know,” she replied, tracing the rim of her coffee mug with a finger. “I think I freaked out because I was waiting for this to happen and then I worried too much.”

“About what?”

“What this means for us.”

“What does this mean for us?”  
Kate took a deep breath and finally looked up from her coffee again to meet his eyes. “It means that I really liked kissing you, and I would like to keep doing that.”

“Hmm I think that can be arranged,” he smiled and lowered his head to kiss her again.

 

“You were waiting for this to happen?” Castle asked a few minutes later and Kate frowned. She hadn’t expected that to be a surprise to him. Yes, she had tried to keep it a secret, actually denied it most of the time. But somehow she had still expected Castle to know. Castle always knew things about her she didn’t want him to know.

“I didn’t think this would be such a surprise to you,” she confessed.

“Well let’s just say the past few weeks have been a little confusing.”

“That’s the understatement of the century,” Kate laughed.

 

“What I don’t understand is, you say you were waiting for this to happen, and then you dated Demming.”

“Oh,” Kate released a breath and then walked out of the kitchen to sit down on the couch, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her head into her hands, before carding them through her hair and looking up again. Castle had followed her to the couch, placed her coffee on the table in front of them and sat down next to her, one leg on the couch, resting against the backrest.

“Tom wasn’t a risk,” she said, expected some sort of reply from Castle, but he remained silent, just waited for her to continue.

“When I was staying at the loft, we spent a lot of time together,” she continued, staring at her coffee mug in front of her, not daring to look at Castle, too scared to freak out again. “And it was a lot. I mean I am sure you noticed that too. And it scared me so I moved out as soon as I could, to get some space and figure out what was going on. And before I could do that you dated Ellie Monroe.”

“Okay I wouldn’t call that dating,” he interrupted. “That was me being an idiot. But it’s good to know that I was right and you were jealous.”

Kate slowly turned her head towards him, her expression a mixture of amusement and annoyance. “You were dating Ellie Monroe,” she repeated. “And yes, okay so I was jealous. And then Tom showed up. And he was nice and he asked me out. And there was no risk. I didn’t have to fear losing my best friend when we didn’t work out so I agreed.”  
  


Castle nodded. That made sense, and as much as he hated that it happened that way, he couldn’t fault her for reacting the way she did.

“So what changed?”

"Lanie told me I was acting stupid," Kate replied, recalling the phone call she had with her friend the day Castle had invited her to the Hamptons. "Well, Lanie and Espo actually."

“I’m going to send them a thank you card,” Castle said and Kate snorted.

 

“You know what I don’t understand?” Kate asked, changing her position on the couch to mirror his, reaching out to slide her fingers between his. “You knew I was with Tom, and you still invited me to spend the weekend with you.”

“Well,” he squeezed her hand, looking for words to explain this action, but he hadn’t been able to explain it to himself that day, so he just shrugged. “I have no idea. I guess I just hate losing.”

“I am glad you invited me,” she told him with a smile.

“So am I,” he replied and pulled her towards him.

 

They were interrupted by the alarm on Kate’s phone going off.

“I still have to go,” she said with a mournful look after turning it off.

“What?”

“I have to work tomorrow.”

“Right.”

“And you need to finish your book,” she added, reminding him of the reason he decided to spend the summer up here.

“I could finish it in the city,” he mused, already starting to plan his departure with Kate.

“I do prefer you with a heartbeat.”

Kate’s remark pulled him out of his thoughts and he cast her a confused look.

"You said if you come back to the city with me Gina would kill you," Kate reminded him of his own words from Friday, the reason she had agreed to take her car with them instead of his.

"Right I did say that and it's probably true," he agreed, looking disappointed. He knew he wouldn't be able to finish this book if he left to go back to the city now. Especially now, when he had Kate to distract him from writing. "But I don't want you to not be with me."

“Me neither,” she sighed. “But I can come back the next time I have a day off. Montgomery keeps telling me I work too much.”  
“He is probably right about that.”  
Kate rolled her eyes. “I will tell you when I come back, okay?”  
“Okay,” Castle agreed with a sigh. “But can you come back tomorrow?”

She smiled and kissed him. “No. But soon.”

He pouted but there was nothing he could do. She had to work tomorrow and he had to finish his book, so he wouldn't get to see her in the city either way. And it was a fact that he found more ways to distract himself from writing in the city. So if he wanted to see Kate again soon, he needed to accept his fate and stay here.

 

He walked her to her car, noticed the similarity to just two hours ago, except he wasn’t carrying her bag now, and she was holding his hand.

“Out of curiosity,” he said when they reached her car. “How far did you drive until you turned around to come back?”

Kate cleared her throat. “To the end of the street.”

Castle shot her a mockingly impressed look. “That takes like 5 minutes. If you’re walking.”  
“Oh, I know,” Kate said. “I kind of freaked out about how I reacted and then didn’t know if coming back was a good idea, or if you had already decided that you never wanted to see me again.”

“Yeah that was never a possibility,” he replied, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“But I knew if I ignored this I would regret it, so I came back.”

"I am very glad you came back," he told her, lowered his head and captured her lips in a last kiss before he let her drive away with a promise to call him as soon as she arrived.

* * *

 

Kate arrived home, dropped her bag on the floor and sat down on the couch to let Castle know as she had promised before she allowed herself to relax. The smile that had barely left since she had been brave enough to face her feelings for him grew again, and a giddy feeling spread through her chest, forcing her to take a deep breath.

Ten minutes later she decided to unpack her bag, Castle must be busy writing, as he hadn’t replied to her message in any way, and writing was the only thing that kept him from immediately replying to her. Well, that and spending time with Alexis.

The thought of Alexis made Kate stop unpacking her bag. What if Alexis didn’t agree with her being in this relationship with Castle? Yes, during the time she had spent at the loft, Alexis had seemed to like her, but that didn’t mean she approved of Kate dating her father. And she wouldn’t want to come between Castle and his daughter.

 

Her phone chirped, signaling an incoming message. It pulled her out of her thoughts, and she shook her head. This was ridiculous. Alexis wasn’t against a relationship between Kate and her dad, she had in fact told Kate that she would like that - a fact Kate had purposefully forgotten until now.

 

She took her phone out of her pocket, expecting Castle to reply to her earlier message but instead saw a text from Lanie, asking if she was home already. Knowing that it would lead to more questions from Lanie she answered truthfully and then finished unpacking the bag.

Only when Lanie didn’t reply, she started to worry. Lanie hadn’t texted her once during the weekend, which wasn’t a problem or something to worry about, but Kate knew there would be questions. And Lanie asking if she was home yet but then not continuing to press her for details about the weekend was unlike her.

 

Without realising it, Kate had started to pace around in her apartment, until there was a knock on the door and she stopped, almost slapped her hand against her forehead. Of course, Lanie wouldn't ask any questions on the phone and give her the option to not answer. Kate took a deep breath to prepare herself before she opened the door, and almost closed it again right away. Lanie herself was good enough to make her talk, but Lanie with a bottle of wine was a force Kate could barely fight.

"Hey, Lanie. What brings you here?" she asked, painfully aware that she couldn't fool anyone with that question. Especially not her best friend, who only raised an eyebrow at her.

"Stop pretending you don't know, Kate", Lanie replied while walking past her. Kate closed the door and took a deep breath before she turned around, bracing herself for the question that would certainly come.

 

Lanie had walked directly into the kitchen, opened a cabinet and took out two wine glasses before Kate was able to say a word.

“Oh Lanie, I have to work tomorrow,” she tried to reason, but Lanie was already opening the bottle.

“Javi says you aren’t expected at the precinct until noon, so there is nothing wrong with one glass of wine.”

“Javi said that?” Kate tried to shift the conversation away from her.

“We’re not talking about me today,” Lanie shut her up, walked out of the kitchen, pushed one of the wine glasses into Kate’s hand and Kate towards her couch, where she sat down.

 

“So, how was your weekend?” Lanie asked after taking one sip of her wine.

“Oh, it was okay.”

“It was okay?” Lanie repeated. “You spent three days with Castle and it was only okay?”

Well, it was more than okay, but she wasn't ready to tell her friend that yet. Especially as it only had happened a few hours ago. She had to fight hard to suppress the smile growing on her face. That would give her away for sure.

“Yes,” Kate said, knowing that she was only making it worse.

“Are you honestly telling me that you guys spent three days together in one house and had breakfast and dinner together and I don’t know what else. And nothing happened?”

“Yes, this is what I am telling you,” Kate replied and hid her smile in the wine glass she raised to her lips.

“Why can’t you guys just talk to each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that you’re both clearly in love with each other and you had the chance to finally act on it and you decided to do nothing about it.”

“You make it sound like it’s the easiest thing to do.”

“It is the easiest thing to do. You just-”

“It is not the easiest thing to do, Lanie,” Kate interrupted her, starting to get frustrated. “Maybe it’s easy for you. But other people just aren’t that open. Plus I just ended things with Tom hours before I went away with Castle, wouldn’t that have been unfair on both of them?”

“But you literally ended things with Tom, because you want to be with Castle. I mean you could have told him that. I am sure he would have been happy to know that.”

 

Kate opened her mouth to defend herself, but couldn't find the words. It didn't come as a surprise to her at all, after all, she did tell Castle about that and Castle had been happy to know this. But she had started to deny things in front of Lanie, and she couldn't stop that now just like that.

Her attempt to find words got interrupted by her phone. She had put it on her table when Lanie had sat her down onto the couch, and now the display lit up to show that Castle was calling her. She wanted to pick up, leave this conversation to talk to Rick instead, maybe ask him about what to tell Lanie, but she couldn’t just interrupt her best friend like that.

What she hadn’t expected was Lanie to grab her her phone and accept the call, and she could only stare at her in shock.

 

“Hey Castle,” Lanie said and Kate wished she had put the phone on speaker so she could actually hear what Castle said at the other end of the line.

“No, I am not, that is correct,” Lanie said. “But I have a question for you.”

There was another short pause before Lanie spoke again.

“How come you just spent three days with Kate and you guys did not talk about the important things?”

Kate closed her eyes, took a deep breath and a large sip of her wine. She felt sorry for Castle, he didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t even used to Lanie’s questioning, and now he had to endure them unprepared. But maybe that was a good thing. She probably should have told Lanie the truth about the weekend in the Hamptons.

 

The motion of Lanie handing her her phone pulled Kate out of her thoughts.

“Talk to him,” Lanie said and Kate took the phone.

"Hey Rick," she said warily, trying to sound casual as if Lanie picking up her phone and bombarding Castle with questions was normal and happened all the time.

“What was that?”

“Yeah… sorry about Lanie. Wait,” she said and got up from the couch to walk into her bedroom, where she could close the door so Lanie couldn’t hear every word of their conversation.

Looking back to the couch, she saw Lanie leaning back, her glass of wine in her hand and a smug look on her face.

 

“Why did Lanie pick up your phone, Kate?” Rick sounded distressed on the other end.

“Because I thought picking up would be rude, while she was here. And she was annoyed because I said the weekend was just okay,” she explained and sat down on her bed.

“She asked about the weekend?”

“Did you expect anything else?”

“Good point. But you said it was just okay?”

“Of course it was a lot better than okay,” she hurried to say. “But… I didn’t know if you were okay with her knowing since we didn’t talk about that.”

“Well, considering that she was somewhat responsible for you coming in the first place, I think she deserves to know.”

“Okay.”  
“Also I think if you keep letting her think we didn’t talk about anything important, she might come up here and drag me to your place to make that happen,” he added sounding slightly scared of that possibility.

“Yeah I think  she would actually do that,” Kate agreed

“Alright then, we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Oh. I could call when she is gone.”

“No. you have work tomorrow. You need sleep. Just call me if you get an interesting case. Or call me if you don’t.”

“I will,” she promised. “But sorry for having such a short conversation.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just make sure Lanie doesn’t appear at my door all angry with me.”  
Kate laughed. “Alright. We’ll talk tomorrow then.”

 

After hanging up, she let herself fall backwards on her bed, pressed her phone on her chest. If she had found the courage to act on her feelings earlier than today, she could have actually spent some quality time with Rick. Maybe then she wouldn't be as disappointed about having to cut this phone call short.

She sighed and got up again, walked out of her bedroom and towards Lanie, who had found a book and was flipping through it.

 

“That was a short conversation,” Lanie said and put the book away again

“Well, we talked about the important things”

“In,” Lanie checked her watch, “less than five minutes? Girl, that’s impossible.”

“And he said it’s okay to tell you, but if you tell anyone else I will never talk to you again,” Kate continued, ignoring Lanie’s remark.

“Tell me what?”

“That the weekend was actually a lot better than okay.”

It took about a second for Lanie to understand what she meant with that statement, and Kate could practically see the penny drop before Lanie gasped. “Oh my god, I knew it. I knew it. When did it happen? And how? I need details.”

“About 6 six hours ago,” Kate replied with a glance at her watch.

“And you came home?!” Lanie exclaimed in disbelief.

“I have to go to work tomorrow.”

“And he didn’t come with you?”"Yeah, we both figured it's better to not give Gina a reason to kill him. Saves me a lot of paperwork."

Lanie shot Kate a confused look that almost made her laugh.

“He needs to finish his book and Gina may have threatened to kill him if he doesn’t keep his deadline. So he stayed up there to finish his book.”

“That sounds like the worst,” Lanie said with a sympathising look. “But I am really happy for you,” she added with a huge smile that Kate returned.

“Yeah, me too.”

“But now you have to tell me everything that happened this weekend.”

“The whole weekend?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Kate took one more sip from her wine, emptying the glass, leaned back into her couch and started talking.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so this story ends  
> and I hope you liked it  
> and thank you to everyone who read this and left a comment or kudos and I love you all for that
> 
> (and maybe when I write another story I won't need 2 years for 6 chapters. that would be cool)


End file.
